I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
