I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
