I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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