im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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