my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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