i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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