If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Randomize
