My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
