No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
