Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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