There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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