giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
