Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Life is so much better after having sex.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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