About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
