Welp...herpes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
