ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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