I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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