Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
