No stitches, just platelets and will power
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
