Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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