Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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