i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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