I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
