Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize