I think i peed on brittanys purse
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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