Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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