I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
