I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
