I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
