im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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