There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
