I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
