i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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