Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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