I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
