so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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