your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
