Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
