No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize