He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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