Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
