it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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