he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
