My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize