she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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