After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
