i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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