Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
