I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
there is glitter all over my balls
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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