I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
