My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hippo gnu deer
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
