dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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