Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
