I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
