Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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