so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
