So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
