Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
