im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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