I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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