you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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