ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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