I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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