i need an iv and a liver transplant
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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