My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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