I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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