This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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