All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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