I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
