so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We left an ass print on the piano.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
