Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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