i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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