This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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