My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
