We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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