just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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