official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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