I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
