My girlfriend figured out who you are.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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