I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
