i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
