I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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