We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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