I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize