Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
