i love accidental penises.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I party with great urgency now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
