she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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