the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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