For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
