Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize