Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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