Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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