So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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