Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
