Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize