Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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