She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I will pee on everything he values.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
