That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
