Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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