Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just gift wrapped bread.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
