those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
